Awkward Situations #2: Being Terry Soh

Even when I was at the top of my game my reputation as a player was far from being worldwide spread. The whole population of the United States including the Statue of Liberty itself all considered me a bad player (I'll talk about that in some other post). In Asia, I was always treated as a local player, with everyone in the building talking to me in the native language of whatever Asian country the tournament was being held. However in Europe my popularity was ok, and I was always warmly welcomed specially in the South European countries. Everytime I went to a tournament in Spain, Italy, Greece, France, etc I would bring my felter marker because of the expected requests to sign cards.

Side note #1: Its much easier to write on a Magic card with a marker rather than a roller ball pen.

Side note #2: Actually I used to carry the marker with me all the time, you never knew when you might need to proxy some cards for an emergency playtest session.

This situation happened in the summer of 2007, at some European Time Spiral block constructed Grand Prix where I played Blue/Black Teachings, can't remember exactly which event (I played Teachings in all Grand Prixs of that format). During my Byes, I was playing some games against Tomoharu Saito playing Mono Red (also doesn't help remembering that much since he probably played Mono Red in all those Grand Prixs), while some friends were watching.

At some point a player gets by and asks everyone for signatures on cards, playmat, etc. Everyone's happy to do it of course, I think no Pro Player would ever refuse to do it, except for occasionally Kai.

Side note #3: In the distant year of 2003 I wanted to get a Voidmage Prodigy signed by Kai, but I was afraid Kai would just say "No". My friend Rui Oliveira was at the time the Sideboard coverage reporter for European Grand Prixs, so I gave him the card and asked him to go find Kai in the Grand Prix to sign it, hoping that Rui as a sideboard reporter would have better chances to get the card signed, rather than me, a poor lonely no one.

Back to the awkward situation, the guy also asked me to sign a card, the problem was he handed me over this specific card to sign:

This card, Rakdos Augermage is the card Terry Soh created, oops sorry Terry, I mean Wizards created for Terry Soh for his Invitational win in 2005, and the guy pictured in the card is also supposed to be Terry Soh, as it is a long tradition to portrait the winner's face in the card he creates. So usually you ask that specific person to sign that specific card, just like I kind of did (or asked Rui to) with Voidmage Prodigy and Kai.

So here's what happened when I was given the Rakdos Augermage.

Me: You know, I'm not Terry Soh...

Him: You don't want to sign it?

Me: It's not that I don't want to sign it, but this specific card kind of represents Terry Soh

Him: No, it's ok, you don't want to sign, I get it. Thanks a lot man, sorry for disturbing your game.

Me: You're getting it wrong, I'll be happy to sign a card for you, but perhaps a different card would be more appropriate.

Him: You don't want, you don't want, it's ok, no need for excuses.

Me: I'm not making excuses it's just that I feel... ah, you know what, forget it, just give me the Rakdos Augermage.

Him: Whatever.

Me: Do you want me to sign my name, or just write "Terry Soh" on it?

Him: Meh, up to you, I don't care anymore.

I obv signed "Terry Soh". And that my friends, despite our similar looks, was the closest I've ever been to being Terry Soh. Judging from his facebook pictures, I wouldn't mind occasionally switching with him and living "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift" style of life.

To Terry: If you ever come across that Rakdos Augermage, sorry about that!

To Oli: Stop saying "Hi Terry" everytime you meet me at an Asian tournament.

Awkward Situations #1: Miss Teacher

Hello readers! The awkward situations described in my last post gave me the ideas to start a new column where I'll share some awkward situations I experienced or heard, which I gave the very original and interesting name of "Awkward Situations". My times studying Chinese in a Beijing are a stocked mine of such those situations. To start, 99% of the school population was asian while I was a western average joe. Second, no one except me, and I mean no one had arrived there without knowing how to speak a little chinese, either because they spoke it at home, had private classes, preparation classes, or even bachelor degrees in chinese, the thing is the school expected you to arrive there having some sort of Chinese level. To quote a Kung Fu Panda dialogue...

Shifu: Let us begin.

Po: What? Uh... I don't think I can do all those moves right away.

Shifu: [chuckles] Well, we'll never know unless we try, will we?

Po: Well, maybe we could start out with something more at, you know, my level.

Shifu: And what level is that? ~

Po: Uh... level zero? How about that, level zero?

Shifu: [chuckles] There is no such thing as level zero

Not only I was seen as a big idiot who couldn't talk to no one, but I was still in shock. You see, seven hours before I arrived to the school, I was at Pro Tour Kuala Lumpur watching Marcio Top 4, and receiving my Invitational Trophy. I didn't get a transition period from Pro Magic player to being abandoned in China with people speaking weird languages. Anyway, this is not the awkward situation, this is only the introduction.

After some very painful times of hard work and overcoming many depressions, I learned a little bit of Chinese, which gave me courage enough to try the Chinese proficiency test for Foreigners. It's a test run by the government 3 or 4 times a year, at the same time in several places. They all have the same test, which is treated like a National Security document until 5 seconds of starting time. Grades go from Level 4 to Level 8. If you suck (Level 1, 2 or 3), they don't give you a score in order to don't humiliate you. My goal was of course not to suck, but my roommate had previously taken the test and scoring Level 5 despite being a slacker, altough a chinese speaking slacker.

Given this, I was obviously very happy when the scores came in and I got Level 6. For you Magic players to have a picture, compare the Player's Club levels with the Chinese test levels. Levels 1, 2 and 3 suck, and if when you finally made it you made it as Level 6, that should be able to describe the feeling.

Side Note: At the school there was a young teacher about my age, most of the guys had her in a pedestal as the hottest teacher on the school. She wasn't particularly pretty, altough definitely ok but compared to the rest of the older teachers she clearly shined, in my opinion probably Top 3, because of her younger age. Anyway, after National exams scores went public Miss Teacher, who was never my teacher during my whole stay there, came to congratulate me.

Miss Teacher: Wow Congratulations!

Tiago: Thanks Miss Teacher.

Miss Teacher: I always knew you had it in you.

Tiago: Not really, I kind of got lucky.

Miss Teacher: No, I always admired how you worked so hard and struggled so much.

Tiago: Not that I really had a choice there, you know...

Miss Teacher: But finally it all paid off in the end. I'm so proud of you, I knew you could do it.

Tiago: I'm very flattered, it's a pity Miss Teacher was never assigned to teach at my classes.

Miss Teacher: You must be feeling very happy.

Tiago: I'm feeling Ok yeah.

Miss Teacher: It's not everyday someone gets a Level 8.

Tiago: Uh? I was only Level 6.

(10 seconds of silence)

Miss Teacher: Well... 6 ain't bad either... Oh my, look at the time, I didn't realize it was this late, I should definetely get going, catch up with you later, uhm, Bye!

And that was the last time I saw Miss Teacher.

Kiss Kiss with Miss X

"Why do you have to mention me in all your blog's posts? It seems you randomly pick a paper from inside a fishbowl and everytime my name is written on it"

- Mr. X on Jan 9th 2011

For my next couple of posts I'll avoid talking about Magic, since that will most of the times indirectly lead to Mr. X.

During my times in Beijing I came across many interesting individuals, one of the most peculiar ones being my good friend, let's call her "Miss X" to preserve her identity. Bonus points if you can write down her real name, first and last.

Sometimes me and Miss X would have communication problems so to say, since my native language is Portuguese and hers is a South East Asia language (it's not that I don't know which one, I just rather not reveal her identity). Luckily, we shared not one, but two other languages, English and Chinese, problem is our levels of these languages aren't quite the same which leads to some awkward situations.

For ex, a conversation in Chinese between us.

(Note for those who don't understand Chinese)

问 - wen
to ask
to inquire after

吻 - wen
a kiss
to kiss

Me:
Hey Miss X, wo yao wen ni!
Hey Miss X, I want to ask you

Miss X:
Ni yao wen wo ma?
You want to kiss me?

Me:
Dui, wo yao wen ni.
Yes, I want to ask you.

Miss X:
Hao de! (giggles) Ni wen wo ba (giggles)
Ok! (giggles) Go ahead and kiss me (giggles)

Me:
Ni zhidao, wo men shang ge xingqi qu guo de difang zai nar?
You know, that place we went last week, where is it?

Miss X:
O, yuanlai ni yao wen wo, bu shi wen wo.
Oh, you wanted to ask me, not kiss me after all

Me:
Dui, shi wo gang gang shuo de!
Yes, that's what I just said!

As you can imagine Me and Miss X we often talk but our conversations aren't quite productive. However this is quite understandable, at the time we were just starting to learn the awful language that is Chinese. Our conversations in English are also far from being perfect. There was one time where I go meet Miss X, and when I was about to go back the following conversation happened.

Me: That was fun, it was nice meeting you.

Miss X: Uhm, I'll have to work now, but come meet me afterwards.

Me: Right, I will. So I guess I'll see you later, bye!

Miss X: Wait! Before you go, you have to give me kiss!

Me: What?

Miss X: Kiss, Kiss!

Me: I'm sorry I didn't quite get what you said...

Miss X: Give me kiss!

Me: You know, we've been friends for some time....

Miss X: Kiiiissssssssss

Me: ... so this is kind of awkward...

Miss X: Kiiiiiiiiiis Kiiiiiiiiiiiis

Me: ... and uhm,

Miss X: Hurry up! Kiss!

Me: totally unexpected...

Miss X: I need Kiiiiiiiiiiiis.

Me: ...besides...

Miss X: I don't have kiiiiiiiss to go home.

Me: Oh, you don't have your keys with you?

Miss X: Yes, the kiiis, what were you thinking?

Me: Right, the keys, obvz, what was I thinking?

Miss X: Then give me kiiis!

Me: What? Are you out of your mind, I don't have your keys!

ไอ้เหี้ย